I never went through this rite-of-passage myself, but only because I was left traumatized by all of my friends' pyrotechnic antics and my school's team participation obligations. After what I went through there I was left stripped of any curiosity I might have had.
Before I get into the good story-- The true reason why you've come-- I'll share a few examples to illustrate my point.
First of all, every summer the wrestling team that I was associated with-- first as a wrestler and then as a stat girl once Title 9 had it's way with the sporting system-- would set up a firework stand to raise money for the team. Everyone was required to work there. Everyone. It was like a non-paid retail job. And we all know about working in retail.
Then there was the summer that my friends went up to Wyoming and brought down illegal fireworks toset off in the desert. To be fair, desert is everywhere in Utah so it wasn't really that crazy of a trek and there were plenty of firework carcases already at the site proving we weren't alone in our endeavors. BUT STILL!! I was completely freaked out by the ordeal just KNOWING that at any moment the po-po (Utah slang?) was going to arrest us. Probably not arrest but they would definitely give us a firm talking to and that was totally worse!
Plus there was the exploding bucket incident that I was supposed to be impressed by. I don't want to talk about it.
Now lets jump ahead to the summer of my junior year. My boyfriend, his sister and his friends showed me this "cool" thing they inventedf. It consisted of lighting a ground bloom firework and then THROWING IT IN SOMEONE'S GARBAGE CAN.
So. Cool.
As we ran around the neighborhood doing this to 'hilarious' prank to all the people in our church-- we were SO cool-- I couldn't help but thinking that this was going to start a fire in some random trash bin. If you'll notice I said "thinking" not "saying". I wanted my super cool boyfriend to think that I was super cool too. So I kept my mouth shut and ran around with him.
When we exhausted ourselves of our highly civilized antics it was off to Sconecutter for a frozen ice cream treat. When it proved that none of our "friends" working there were going to give us free milkshakes we went out back to finish off our stash of Bloomers. The entire arsenal of our leftover supply...
And you all know what happened next.
We ran inside to get some complimentary cups of water. We splashed those tiny thimbles on the blaze and stepped back astonished that it was still raging. After our third trip inside Sconecutter the manager began to catch on to our mischief.
Later, when we were talking to the police, the story went down as this; we were just outside minding our own business when some punk teenagers ran by, threw a lit firework in the trash can and then ran away.
They bought it.
Pathetic.
I'm still uneasy about fireworks, I'm still friends with that ex-boyfriend's sister-- He and I did not so much work out-- and my record has remained free of any arson charges.
Looking back I can see that all of these incidents have to do with immature teenage boys and my desire to tag along and not be such a goddamn prude. but I'm a prude goddamn it and I don't want any trouble with the law!!
*Having a sparkler sendoff at my wedding made me incredibly anxious. Fireworks are illegal in ALL desert states. Obviously.*
Still to this day I don't get the excitement over fireworks. When invited to 4th of July celebrations-- especially when festivities are posed with "We bought SO MANY fireworks!!'-- I must decline.
No thank you. Fireworks. No.
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